now

Well I sit at these keys and try to package my last 3 weeks at home into a small compact idea. Impossible. So I'll try to at least give you an idea of what it is like being home, honestly.

Its differnent. Differnent from when I left atleast. The people have changed, there's more of them for one thing, and the old ones have changed a lot too. My family is doing a lot better. With all of our lives changing, we are growing close together (which is by far the best thing of being home).

Now getting to the hard stuff. After being home for a little over 2 weeks, I hadnt talked to anyone truely about what it all is that I went through down in Guatemala. People were all assuming I was talkin to other people about it. And it also ends up that everyone thinks I am doing stuff with other people, thus resulting in no one calling, no one coming over, and everyone making me feel that home sucks. I'm not gonna lie, a couple days ago I looked into flights back to Guatemala.

Life has moved on without me. And now all I have to do is find my place in the lives of these people I know so well, but aren't used to me being around. How do you get to know the people you have known for years? How do you introduce yourself into peoples lives who seem to be so shut off to you? How do you "get back to life" as everyone is calling it?

Well...if I had the answer I would be a much happier person right now. So I go on with the sitting in my house, and the doing nothing that everyone is so jealous of. If they only knew how empty and truley sad I am most days.

Now dont get me wrong, I am happy...its just that I wasn't prepared to have to get to know everything again as if I was starting all over again. It will take time, but I'll get there.

I'll let you know when that day comes.